What if I’m the Hardest Part of My Marriage?
“One of the best ways to improve your marriage is to draw a circle around yourself and begin changing everyone inside the circle.”
-John McGee
When marriage feels hard, it’s so easy to look across the table at our spouse:
“If he would just…”
“He always…”
“He never…”
Blaming him feels justified. Sometimes it even feels righteous. But the blame I rehearse? It becomes a root. And the more I replay it, the deeper it grows — into resentment, pride, defensiveness.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth I’m learning: I am part of the problem.
And sometimes I have to ask something even harder: What if I’m my marriage’s biggest problem?
My tone.
My impatience.
My need to be right.
My selfishness.
I’m broken. I’m sinful. And I am completely incapable of loving my husband the way God loves me… unless God changes me. I can’t fix that on my own.
So what’s the solution?
Not trying harder.
Not waiting for him to change first.
It’s getting rooted in the right source. It’s pulling up the root of blame and bitterness. Admitting I need help. And replanting my heart in living water. For me, that looks like:
1. Reading God’s Word.
Because it shows me how I’m actually called to live — with love, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control. The fruit of the Spirit isn’t just a sweet little list we learned in Sunday school. It’s the blueprint for how I’m meant to show up in my marriage.
2. Praying honestly.
“Lord, show me where I’m hurting my marriage.
Heal the broken places in me that are hurting us.
Change my thoughts. Change my reactions.
Make me more like You.”
I’ve learned I cannot produce selfless love on my own. But when I root myself in His Word and talk to Him honestly about my sin, He begins to soften what’s hard in me. And when the roots change, the fruit changes. Not because my husband changed first, but because I let God change me!
Closing Prayer:
God, I don’t want to keep pointing fingers. If I’m honest, I know there’s work You need to do in me. Show me where I’m wrong. Help me own it without defensiveness. Teach me how to love my husband the way You love me. I can’t do that without You. So start with my heart. Amen.
Hi, I’m Chrissy Horner!
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